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Let's listen for a second, please.
http://forum.edenserv.net/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=3048		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  -C00- [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Let's listen for a second, please.
Hey every one, it's me again...

So I I've been thinking long and hard, and I never really had the opportunity to tell you guys what I've wanted to say. So I'm going to go right out with it, speak my mind and say the things that I need to say.

Part 1:

Life's hard, and I knew from the very beginning that being on here again with my reputation wasn't going to be a cake walk. But I didn't make it any easier for myself with what I've been saying. Multiple people have reported problems with me, and I feel like maybe I did go a little too far.

A lot of people think me to be this big huge jerk on the forums, and I gotta say, I kind of agree. We all have different sides, and these differences in ourselves can either be good or bad. I'm going to use the analogy Persona for these other personalities. We all have different Persona's and we can't keep hiding the ones we don't like. I've been acting like a jerk to my friends and to you all and that's not right. You all seem to know that I can be a good hearted and kind person, though I don't know how you figured that out, but I haven't been showing it. I don't exactly know what to do anymore now that Noyo has left me. So I figured this would be a perfect time to face myself, and all the things that I've said or done.

Part 2:

I'm being very arrogant, stubborn, and quite frankly stupid in my posts and in my speech. I've been acting like a jerk to you all, and I don't mean to. I've been so caught up in trying to find myself, and when I finally thought I knew everything about me, something new came up and made me forget who I was. But this thing that I remembered, it shouldn't change the fact that I'm going to be a good person. The ultimate judgment that a person can face, and the ultimate form of knowing who you are that you face is through the judgment of other people. Other people seem to know a lot about you more than you do, and you can learn from them and get unbelievable knowledge out of them. The balance beam is like shifting towards the wrong side, when it should be in the middle. There are multiple Persona's that I need to control of myself, and it's okay to be a jerk sometimes when you're angry, just don't let it be who you are.

Part 3:

I always knew you guys were right, that I was going overboard, I didn't want to seem small or weak to myself. Because the last thing that I need right now is for me to know that I'm weak and helpless, especially after losing the best girl I've ever had in my life. But the idea that I'm deliberately hurting people and making snide remarks towards people is unacceptable, and I realize that no apology will make anything I've said or done, or better yet caused, better. I'm not expecting any of you to forgive me right off the bat or for ever. But I do need to tell you all that there's no excuse, even with my mourning and unexpected events.

I'm going to tell you guys something that only a few people know about, and I hope you guys don't feel bad for me or mourn or do anything, but rather take it as something that you can put to me and my image to make me seem a little more understanding.

I have a disease that the doctors can't name that is slowly eating away at my organs on the inside, which is slowly killing me. My destined time is age 31, I go in for check ups and treatments. But lately the doctor is telling me I may not make it past age 20, due to the rapid increase in damage. Oh well.

I am asthmetic, to the point where I can't run and barely walk. I have nerve damage in my right leg which can not be cured which makes it hard for me to walk. I have scars on my back which makes my back hurt and bleed periodically, and I remind you, not from beatings.

I'm bipolar and have a very odd sense of not feeling sad when people die.

I have schizophrenia, which is a brain case disease that causes people to see imaginary people or visions that are, or may not be relevant to anything, but an cause serious brain damage.

With all of these, the only thing I have to say is this:

Well jeez, what a package of fun, amirite?;D

Part 4:

With my resolve being weak, I felt like I needed to BE somebody here, but I'm not going to be anybody but a arguing little kid here if I keep going down the path of being like this, this is not who I strive to become. And though this is a part of me, it's not who I want to be. Whether you believe me or not, is completely up to you. But I'm not saying this for praise or recognition, I'm saying this as a apology to people to I might have hurt, and those who I did hurt.

I swore off of drama for good, I intend to keep that. And to every one here on Eden:

Thanks for at least letting this kid be here for his last days, means a lot.

with that, I'll try to be the best person I can be.

That is all.

EDIT: also if you all feel the need that a perma ban is in order to completely stop all the issues, I will be completely okay with that. What ever you think is necessary.
Author:  Docta [ Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's listen for a second, please.
Well man, only on this planet for so long (numbers may vary) i always say, live your life as happy as you can without shitting on other people, don't need religion or any of that pish.
Author:  Bushie Boy [ Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's listen for a second, please.
Docta wrote:
Well man, only on this planet for so long (numbers may vary) i always say, live your life as happy as you can without shitting on other people, don't need religion or any of that pish.


This.
Author:  zeldarocks [ Wed Apr 17, 2013 2:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's listen for a second, please.
Babe, I'm sorry I ever doubted us, and im sorry I hurt you when we broke up, but were back together now.
I love you so much and I care about you.
<3~But yes, you do what makes you happy sweetie and to enjoy life. <3
Author:  Bushie Boy [ Wed Apr 17, 2013 2:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's listen for a second, please.
zeldarocks wrote:
Babe, I'm sorry I ever doubted us, and im sorry I hurt you when we broke up, but were back together now.
I love you so much and I care about you.
<3~But yes, you do what makes you happy sweetie and to enjoy life. <3


Literally thought i was on a American teen drama there for a second haha
Author:  K_I_R_E_E_K [ Wed Apr 17, 2013 5:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's listen for a second, please.
well, you never caused me problems so i can't complain.
You admited that you may have acted incorrectly, that not everyone can do, that's a +1 in my book.

Raise your head, walk forward.
Author:  -C00- [ Thu Apr 18, 2013 8:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's listen for a second, please.
K_I_R_E_E_K wrote:
well, you never caused me problems so i can't complain.
You admited that you may have acted incorrectly, that not everyone can do, that's a +1 in my book.

Raise your head, walk forward.


asdf kids.

sorry, talking jibberish, a little bit high on not having my sugar. Just got a new inhaler so i cant eat sugar anymore.

But thanks, Hugo
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