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Participating on apptivate.ms 
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King
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Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 4:27 pm
Posts: 389
Post Participating on apptivate.ms
Well i'm trying to build a game for apptivate.ms. (Lil competition thingie)

There's a few spoilers for some feature that eden will have :P

Anyway aside from..voting in case you like the game idea xD i would ask any native english speaker to check if there is any mistake on the text.

+ Check the site you may find some spoilers about a eden feature i've been working for a while :P

http://apptivate.ms/apps/1221/twisted-potions

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Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:12 pm
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Nobody did what? T.T
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Post Re: Participating on apptivate.ms
I'm totally going to stalk you DA now ;o

Looks rather interesting. Design screenshots are rather cool as well. I'd totally offer to help work on it but I don't know if you'd even need any help lol XD

I do recall seeing this a little while ago too; I can't wait for the next test you share of it :D

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On to teh proofreading:


Quote:
Solve a ton of puzzles by combining elements to create unique potions.

I would use 'tons' because it sounds more exciting!
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Quote:
Create new elements using the elements on your stack.


Although I am unfamiliar with what you mean by 'stack,' maybe the following may be better:

"Merge elements from your collection to create awesome new elements!"
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Quote:
Use special items for unforeseen effects.


Unforseen is not a word I stumble across too often. It has hints of negative effects to it as well (unforseen issues will arise...). Depending on the context you are using,

"Using special items will cause various effects to occur, such as [list of an effect or two]."

may be more valid for your purposes. You could just swap out 'unforseen' for 'various.'
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https://dl.dropbox.com/u/69084784/combine_1.png

Missing preposition --> "Create new elements by mixing existing ones!"


Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:41 pm
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King
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Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 4:27 pm
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Post Re: Participating on apptivate.ms
I'm pretty sure i explored the concept itself a while ago but this is a new creature made from scratch. :P

Thanks for the proofreading.

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Note that i'm Raven, your old and almost invisible admin, using Rupikachu just to avoid confusions with the 2-3 Ravens that play on the server.


Fri Nov 02, 2012 3:05 am
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色とりどり
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Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 6:17 pm
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Post Re: Participating on apptivate.ms
Quote:
Find more about it's development along it's sister platformer game on twistedpotions.com

Find more about its development, along with that of its sister platformer game, on twistedpotions.com
or
Find more about the development of this and its sister platformer game on twistedpotions.com

Looks great by the way.

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Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:18 am
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PROSPECTORS!
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Post Re: Participating on apptivate.ms
Quote:
Merge elements from your collection to create awesome new elements!.


One of those extra punctuation marks at the end should go. Probably a result of editing. :P


Wed Nov 07, 2012 10:06 am
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